Have you ever seen the movie the Emperors New Groove? During the movie, Kuzco is turned into a lama and Pacha helps him find the magic potion to turn him back into the Emperor. As they are trying different potions, Yzma (who turned Kuzco into the lama) swallows a potion that turns her into a cat. While she’s talking, she stops and says, “is that my voice?” in a very high pitched tone three times. On Saturday that same quote came to mind as I was giving the best man toast at my brothers wedding. I started the toast and I could hear my voice over the speakers and it sounded like a very twangy southern accent. I thought the DJ was playing a joke on me and hit a special button that made my voice sound like a good ol’ country boy. I paused a few times to make sure it was me. Sure enough I picked up some accent from somewhere. Maybe it was nerves or maybe it was from being in the orchard for 8 days harvesting almonds. Whatever it was, I spent the rest of the night convincing people that I don’t have a twangy southern accent.
Have you ever pissed off a hive of bees? I should have known that throwing water and prodding the hive with a stick would piss them off. We are pulling a roof off a house and under the shingles was a hive. They have been pestering the workers all week and we finally found the hot spot. We all took turns trying to remove the hive to another location and when it was my turn they had enough of us picking on them. I have had my share of stings, but this one hurt the most. The bee did a fly by and stung me on the side of the nose. There was no landing, just a stinger in a very sensitive area. I swiped at it and hit myself in the nose again. Seconds later, my eyes teared up and throbbing began. It felt like someone had hit me in the face with a baseball bat. I now have a bruise on the side of my nose from the sting. I think from now on, I will walk away from the bees.
When it comes to fixing bikes, Dug may not be a handyman. On the other hand, I like fixing things and luckily I haven’t had to do much to my bike. In the last year I have pumped up the tires, occasionally lubed the chain and I’m good to go. But reading his post made me think of all the things I could do to make my bike roll smoother. So I tore my bike apart and the thought crossed my mind, “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!” I ignored those thoughts and continued to take apart and clean my bike. The bike was ready for a long ride the next day.
Feeling confident with my clean bike, I headed up Clarks Trail. Within a few pedal strokes, one of the most aggravating things happened- the chain slipped off and my knee slammed the stem. Just as I was about to turn into the Incredible Hulk, I tried to pedal out of it without realizing the bike broke down and I crashed into a tree. I fixed the problem and caught up to the group. It happened two more times within minutes of the each other and at this point I was done riding for the day. I tucked in my tail and cut the ride short. From now on I will carry the tools and hope that someone in the group can fix my bike. I should have known that I would jinx myself by thinking I had mechanical prowess.
Its been a bad year for my road bike. Its been hanging like this for months now…
I don’t think Beatrice will ever forgive me for neglecting her this long. Maybe I will surprise her with a ride up American Fork Canyon on July 24th.